Without Reserve
by Farangis
Summary: Confused and driven by a desperate need for power, he grabbed her, a perfect stranger, and kissed her forcefully. Little did he know it would change both their lives, forever. AU AeriSeph
1. Chapter One

Chapter 1

Blindly, Sephiroth tore his way through the narrow streets of Midgar, not caring where he was heading.

It was fast approaching dusk, and the sky was overcast with dark clouds. Not a great many people still wandered about the streets, and the chilly October air offered little inducement for anyone to stay outdoors.

However, Sephiroth paid little attention to the weather- or anything else, for that matter. His mind was a jumbled mess of chaotic emotions that threatened to consume him and had no outlet in sight.

Those who recognized him scrambled out of his way, and gazed at his back in fear and awe. Those who could not immediately put a name to his face at least saw the strange glint of Mako in his eyes, and knew beyond doubt he was a SOLDIER, therefore not someone to mess with on any given day.

Such was the usual reaction Sephiroth received wherever he went. His strikingly handsome face, and a little more arguably, honorable and fair conducts, did not make up for that _something_ in his air, which made civilians and subordinates alike go out of their ways to avoid him. He usually shrugged off such treatment with the greatest indifference. However, tonight it was different. Tonight it angered him so much that he could scarcely-

He turned a corner and rammed straight into the petite form of a girl.

The blur of red of pink gave a startled gasp and fell backwards from the impact. Instinctively he reached out and grabbed a hold of her frail arm, keeping her feet planted to the ground. She was steadied, but some contents of the basket on her arm spilled over and scattered on the cold, dirty pavement. Absent-mindedly he noted they were flowers- a rarity in Midgar for sure, since they were all imported from the florists in Kalm and other villages beyond.

He released her immediately once she firmly regained her balance.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" the tiny slip of a girl stepped back and apologized immediately, with some distress. She had a lovely voice, soft and melodic, pleasing to the ears. And she was so young- she couldn't be more than fifteen or sixteen years of age. Large, deep emerald eyes gazed into his eyes and her lips parted and moved:

"Would you like a flower, sir? They are very fresh, and only a gil each."

He stared. Why wasn't she running away? Why was she still here, standing before him, in his path, obscuring his way?

Something inside him snapped at the moment. Suddenly, he felt a strong urge to possess her, take her into his arms- it has little to do with any poetic nonsense of love or attraction, but was sourced in a much darker, much more brutal and savage desire.

He wanted _control_. Sweet, sweet taste of power, of dominance, of _freedom_...

"Sir?" The girl raised her voice slightly at his continued silence, half fascinated, half scared by the intensity she read in his eyes.

But she was _still_ there.

All his life, he never got people to do what he wanted. Those he wished miles away were always there, dragging him into the lab, strapping him to the examination table, scrutinizing and probing.

Those he wanted close were always running away, hiding and avoiding.

But then, there was she, readily within his reach, placing herself under his power...

"Sir?" The girl questioned a third time, looking a little unsure and made a slight movement to leave.

No, no, no! She must not get away! For so long he wanted- needed- to feel this. The divine feeling of control...

Muscles still aching from the vigorous training of the day, stomach still churning from the lab visit to Hojo, Sephiroth reached out and pulled the girl roughly to his body, ignoring her alarmed gasp. Half delirious, with bile in his throat and an ashen taste in his mouth, he wounded one arm around her slim waist and grabbed the back of her neck with his free hand, yanking her braid and forcing her head back. He lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers in a brutal, searing kiss.

She struggled violently for a moment to no avail, which only excited him further. And then- _something_ changed. Suddenly her body went absolutely still, and after a moment, to his amazement and delight, she began to relax. He loosened his hold on her, relaxed his fist in her hair, his long, elegant fingers stretching and cradling the back of her head.

The girl closed her eyes. Her arms went limp at her sides, and her flower basket fell to the ground unnoticed.

The sky darkened even further, and a light drizzle started as two perfect strangers embraced in that narrow, desolate street of Midgar.


	2. Chapter Two

**_Chapter Two_**

Aeris did not know what shocked her more at the moment: that a man she'd never met before in her life was kissing her, or that _she_ was kissing _him_ back.

Like any other teenage girl of sixteen, she had indulged herself in romantic fantasies, and imagined receiving her first kiss in so many places, and under so many circumstances. But never since the day she was born, had she _ever_ dreamed of kissing a stranger.

It was surreal; it was absurd; the situation absolutely defied expression.

Yet, as she placed her hands on his back, under the curtain of his long silver hair, she was not hesitant or afraid.

Oh she _had_ panicked- who wouldn't? Truth to be told, she was completely frightened out of her wits when he grabbed her and pressed his mouth to hers. But she was staring into his eyes the entire time and suddenly she knew, instinctively, quite beyond doubt, that whoever he was, he was no rapist. The look in his eyes was not one of lust, she had seen more than her fair share of _that_ to be certain. 

Rather, it was more like a mixture of anguish, rage, despair, and something else she couldn't identify.

His eyes were haunted, possessing a wild look not unlike that of a caged animal. It struck her heart so forcefully, and abruptly her fear diminished, replaced by the strangest desire to comfort.

Before she knew what was happening, her mind surrendered to her body's urge, and she relaxed in his arms, tentatively parting her lips to his demand. To her greatest alarm, she tasted blood in his mouth.

_Dear God- What happened to this man?!_

The thought was fleeting, for something else took over her senses at that moment.

He had shifted his hold on her, no longer gripping, but supporting. She closed her eyes and suddenly, she was aware of _everything_- the muscular scent of his skin, the silkiness of his hair, the broadness of his shoulders...

She gasped, this time not out of fear, but out of something akin to excitement, as his traced her spine with his fingertips, so gently, all the while kissing her breathless. His hand dropped to the small of her back and stayed there, his palm pressing against her skin, emitting a warmth unlike anything she had ever felt before. It felt so comforting, so intimate, so _right_... 

Quite lost in the sensation, she pressed herself even closer to him, without the slightest clue to what kind of havoc her acceptance was wracking on his body.

Sephiroth didn't know what exactly he expected when he grabbed the girl into his arms, but he certainly had not expected this. Any thoughts of dominance and conquer were long abandoned, the gift she offered was so beautiful, so generous, and so, so _complete_, that he forgot all else and closed his eyes.

For the first time in many years, Sephiroth allowed himself to simply _feel_: to feel the moist lips gracing his, the delicate hands on his back, her breathing body, warm and pliant in his arms... His heart pounded faster and his body grew more and more restless, driven by need, aching with desire. He pressed himself against her, wanting to be _inside, _to be completely surrounded and commanded by her warmth. He groaned against her mouth, his hand traveled up her bare arm, moving to caress her breast.

Aeris didn't know which was it that finally broke the spell: his hand on her breast, or his hardness pressed against her thighs. But suddenly she froze, her breath caught in her throat, a wave of panic seizing her anew.

By God! She- She was clinging to an _ aroused_ stranger like a-

Abruptly she pushed him away and stumbled back, eyes wide in shock. He looked confused and made a move to follow her, which made her cry out in alarm, 

"No! Stop! Please-"

Confused and mortified, she began to sob helplessly: "Please, I'm not- I don't- I'm not a, a _desperate woman_!" She could not force the spiteful word "whore" out of her mouth.

_Yet,_ a small, cold voice inside her head reminded her cruelly, _yet, you allowed him liberties no decent girl should ever allow a stranger. You accepted his advance, when anyone with an ounce of self-respect would have fought violently against it. ** You** kissed him so shamelessly, pressed yourself against him- **like a whore**!_

Every word of caution her mother had ever spoken to her came back to her at that moment. The full implication of her actions finally dawned on her. Utterly shocked and ashamed by her behavior, Aeris began to tremble violently in the rain, barely able to hold herself upright.

A slap in the face could not have been more effective than her words and her tears. Sephiroth stopped dead in his tracks, his face paling as the haze in his mind finally cleared. He gasped, horror gripping him as fiercely as desire had earlier. He stared at the shaken girl and could not believe what he had done to her. Her tears magnified his misery a thousand folds, making him feel lower than dirt. Never before in his entire life, had he been so utterly disgusted with himself.

"I..." He tried to speak, but no words came out. What explanation could he possibly offer for _molesting_ an innocent girl on a sidewalk, for the entire world to see? Whatever could possibly justify such dishonorable action, such absolutely despicable conduct?

"No, no..." The girl took another step back, choking out incoherent words between sobs, "Please, I- I'm sorry!"

Before he could speak another word, she turned on her heels and fled, her flower basket and its contents scattered, forgotten at his feet.

Long after she had disappeared from his view, Sephiroth stood still at the spot, transfixed, unable to move an inch. His body was completely soaked by the rain, his mind reeling from what had transpired between him and the unknown girl.

What in the devil's name possessed him to do such a thing? Wasn't he a man with high principles? Didn't he always pride himself in the righteousness of his conducts? He _loathed_ rapists. During the war with Wutai, he was well known for his less than forgiving attitude toward soldiers who fed on women's vulnerability and fear for their own gratification. He had dispatched three such officers personally, with his Masamune, in front of the entire army, to show how decidedly _worthless_ he thought those men to be.

Yet today, he had done the very thing he had always despised. In his moment of weakness, nay, _insanity_, he had allowed himself to prey upon a young woman having the misfortune of bumping into him. He shivered as he remembered her horrified expression, her shaky words, her trembling body and her tearful eyes...

Gods- no wonder people fled him wherever he went! They probably saw him for who he really was, long before he ever did: a filthy, vile _monster_.

Sephiroth bolted into the dark alley, no longer able to contain all the emotions boiling inside him With a tormented cry, he began to hit the brick wall of an abandoned building furiously, with his naked fists, again and again, sending chips of bricks and cement flying. His hands soon suffered many cuts and bruises, wherever his fists struck, red droplets of blood mixed with rain splashed. But still, the wretchedness in his heart did not lessen. 

He was so angry and disgusted with himself that he became physically ill. That, combined with the "enhancing treatment" he received from Hojo's lab earlier made his body convulse, and he bowed over the reeking dumpster close by, retching until it felt like his stomach had been turned inside out.

Finally, physically and mentally spent, Sephiroth slid down to the ground and laid his head back against the wall. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, leaving a red trail on his pale skin. His hands were hurting from the abuse they received earlier, but at this point he hardly felt anything. 

Gasping for breath, he suddenly led out a short bark of laughter that sounded more like a shocked cry, and declared aloud: "Good God, I'm such a wretched _bastard_!"

His raspy, bitter voice echoed through the alley and drifted into the now empty streets. No one heard him. Sephiroth closed his eyes.

In the steady rain, there was no way of telling whether the wetness on his cheeks was a result of the downpour, or a testament to his tortured conscience and regret.

* * *

Thanks to everyone who reviewed my first chapter. I'm having the greatest enjoyment writing this piece, but the task is a bit intimidating too, since there are already so many brilliant works on the AeriSeph pairing out there. 

I've only played the game once a few years back. So I sincerely hope my depiction of pre-game Aeris and Sephiroth are not too out of character. All reviews will be greatly appreciated, and I thank you for reading.

- Misra's servant, Holy Lady Farangis


	3. Chapter Three

**_Chapter Three_**

The rain was steadily falling without a sign of stopping anytime soon, and Aeris was still wandering about the streets of Midgar.

She had no clear idea of where she was heading, but she knew she wasn't any closer to her home than she was half an hour ago.

She couldn't bring herself to go home. Not yet, not in her present state. Her mother would throw a fit.

Well, she was in for one of Elmyra Gainsborough's stern scolding, one way or another. She might as well receive it with a clear head. And right at the moment, she was anything but rational.

She stopped suddenly, in the middle of the street, when she realized where her feet had taken her. She was all but two blocks from where she had bumped into _him_ earlier. Gods! She didn't even know his name!

Unconsciously, Aeris brought a hand to her lips, remembering the feel of that heated kiss. His cool lips gracing hers; his strong hands on her back; his silky tongue, inside her mouth… She shivered as she recalled the reaction it evoked in her, making her cold and hot at the same time, like fire, like water. She thought such sensations only existed in the mind of a poet, but in his arms she'd experienced it all... And it was so, so real.

And then, it hit her: the reason why she was still wandering the streets at this ungodly hour. She was hoping to see him again. She wanted and _needed_ to see him again. She wanted to know, needed to understand, what this man possessed to intrigue her so. Why the fascination, why the concern, why the _passion_-

Yes, it was passion, the uttermost force of passion, which made her act with such audacity that shocked her to the core. She could have struggled more, could have pushed him away, could have ran… But she didn't. It was a feeling of pity that made her respond when he first pressed his lips against hers. But what started as sympathy soon turned into passion, and that made her _yearn _for more.

Why? Why the feeling, why for that particular stranger…

Just then, a noise coming from behind told her she was not alone. Aeris whirled around. Instead of the silver haired man she was secretly wishing to appear, she came face to face with three vile-looking men, who were staring at her with undisguised interest.

Aeris froze with a sense of dread creeping up her spine. She had lived in the slums long enough to know it was time to play cool and run. She honestly thought this was a decent enough neighborhood- but she should have known better, and it was too late to regret anyway.

"Hey sweet lady, what are you doing all alone?" One of them grinned at her, bearing all of his black, rotten teeth, "Let's go hit a bar, what do you say? We'll buy you couple drinks and we can have some fun, alright?"

Aeris gave him her best stern look, and turned to leave quickly without saying a word. However, the three men caught up with her and one of them grabbed her arm. She tried to pull back to no avail.

"Let go of me." Aeris glared with as much hostility as she could manage, trying to let it suppress her fear. She resisted the urge to flinch when she smelt alcohol on all of them.

"Hey, relax, we don't want any trouble." The one who grabbed her arm leered at her, his voice indicating the direct opposite of his words, "We just wanna get you _warm_, you must be freezing…" He yanked hard to pull her closer. Aeris struggled against him with increasing panic, her eyes becoming frantic.

"Let her go. She's with me."

A shadow emerged from a dark alley, his eyes shone with the brilliancy of power. Aeris gasped, instantly recognizing the pale, handsome face of the stranger who had kissed her earlier. Unexplainable relief washed over her. Although she knew him _ no more_ than she knew these scoundrels, instinctively she did trust him. Using the moment of distraction, she broke free from her captor, and ran to her rescuer as fast as her legs could carry her.

Without thinking, Sephiroth opened his arms to accept her into his embrace. Her arms clutched his waist in a death grip, her face white as a sheet, showing how frightened she truly was. Seeing her thus made him oddly protective. Sephiroth's gaze traveled past her head to the three thugs, eyes narrowing in anger, wondering what kind of idiocy made them stay there, in his presence.

Indeed, they should have been alarmed. Should have noticed his lean but muscular built, should have seen the glint of Mako in his eyes, and the arrogance and power displayed in his air. But they were far too drunk to see the danger glaring right in their face, their minds too numbed by alcohol for their own good. The guy in the middle raised his fist and shouted at him: "Stay out of this, man, you don't wanna mess with us!"

"Really." Sephiroth smirked, "Try me."

That did it. With curses so degrading that made both Sephiroth and Aeris frown, the three thugs charged toward the couple.

Sephiroth was tired from the physical and emotional drain he experienced earlier, his muscles aching and his head pounding, but such things hardly mattered unless he was facing an opponent the worth of a dark dragon. And he was _pissed_.

Quicker than the blink of an eye, he shifted Aeris in his arms to move her out of harm's way, and punched out with his free hand. Solid fist connected with a nose, and a resonating, satisfying crack immediately followed. Easy as breathing, Sephiroth shifted his balance to one foot, kicking the other one out, which sent the second man sailing forcefully into a wall. In the same movement, he backhanded the last guy, breaking another nose.

"Ah…" Aeris clung to Sephiroth's arm weakly, blinking in surprise. She didn't even see how it all happened, and could not quite understand why all three heavy men were suddenly lying on the ground, bloodied and moaning in pain.

With his arm still around her waist, Sephiroth guided her down the dark streets until they were a couple blocks away from the beaten men. He stopped then, frowning slightly as he looked down at his hands. With a snort of disgust, he started to wipe the blood onto his trench coat.

"Here, use this." Aeris said a little shakily, dug a white, clean handkerchief out of her pocket and started to wipe at his hand, "You aren't injured, are you?" Her voice filled with worry.

"No. It's their blood." He replied distractedly, her touch was bringing all the strange sensations back into his body. Surprisingly, he didn't mind that- much.

"Thank you, for saving me." She bit her lower lip hesitantly and offered after a moment, "I'm Aeris. Aeris Gainsborough."

"Sephiroth."

She froze in shock: "Se… _General_ Sephiroth?!"

He looked down at her calmly: "Yes."

Aeris' mouth opened and closed several times without making a sound. She finally uttered a weak "oh" and fell silent.

An awkward pause followed, during which Aeris' mind was racing rapidly. He worked for Shinra… The strongest SOLDIER ever lived, the most brilliant war tactician, elite of the elites. He _ was_ the manifestation of Shinra, of its power, its reach, and its dominance. He was danger to her, and she must get away from him before-

"Thank you again, sir. I, ah-" She stuttered a little breathlessly, "Excuse me, I believe I should go home now. G-goodbye."

Not daring to meet his eyes, she abruptly turned and walked rapidly away.

Sephiroth watched her for a moment. It was the second time today she ran away from him, but he couldn't let her go this time. He had been sitting in that narrow alley all along and heard every awful, despicable word those men spoke to her. He could not bear the uncertainly, could not risk the chance of her encountering such _parasites_ again-

"Wait!" He called after her retreating back.

She stopped, hesitated for a moment, and then slowly turned around to face him.

"Let me escort you home." He walked up to her; "It is not safe for you to be out alone at this hour."

"Oh, but I-"

"Please, Miss Gainsborough." He said formally, gravely, "I just want to make sure you will be safe."

"I… Thank you." She replied weakly, not knowing how to refuse such a request.

He nodded and gestured for her to lead the way. Together they walked down the streets in silence, his tall, dark frame looking more imposing than usual next to her slender one.

Aeris gazed at his profile discreetly through her long lashes, unable to determine his thoughts. His face betrayed nothing as he walked with her, keeping a polite distance between them. Yet, she could distinctly _feel_ his presence, feel the distance between them- It was almost as if an invisible link existed between them.

_I must be crazy,_ she thought, _yet, I've never felt more **right** in my life._

The rain had been reduced to a light drizzle, a mist covered the streets, making everything look illusory under the yellowish street lights. Aeris' mind was a whirlwind of mixed thoughts as she led Sephiroth through the many streets and alleys, heading toward the slums.

With an increasing sense of apprehension and a burning curiosity that she could not suppress any longer, she abruptly stopped when they reached the playground in Sector Six, which was only quarter a mile from her house. Turning to him, who also stopped and was looking at her questioningly, she hesitantly spoke: "General Sephiroth… May I ask you something?"

"What is it?" He asked quietly.

"When I bumped into you earlier, you…" She blushed scarlet, and before she could lose her courage, quickly mumbled, "Why did you kiss me?"

Sephiroth froze. 

Why did he kiss her? Of all the questions... How was he to explain the insanity, the bitterness, the anger and despair that drove him to that point? How was he to explain the bottomless hole that existed in his soul, consuming, devouring, until coldness and loneliness was all there ever was, enveloped, suffocating him…

Finally, he replied quietly: "What I wanted from you, is best left unspoken… Aeris."

The way he spoke her name was so soft, so entrancing, that she stood her ground and persisted: "Perhaps it is true. But… I wish to know, please."

He was silent for a long time. Just when Aeris grew increasingly nervous and was about to relent, he finally spoke: "Very well. I… I kissed you, because I wanted _control_. I wanted to have you surrender to me, obey me, in every sense of the word."

"So that was it? You used me as a… as an escape?" Even as she spoke, Aeris wondered at her own composure, her voice soft, her tone neither angry nor accusing.

Was that it? Sephiroth asked himself silently too. A memory flared in his rugged mind. In his mind, he saw her in his arms; her body molded against his so perfectly, her lips slightly parted, and her emerald eyes clouded with passion…

He swallowed. Suddenly, he realized what he admitted to her just then had been the _easier_ part. He was tempted, more than tempted, to nod and concur to the silent lie. 

But he could not. Some sense of perception, some kind of intuitive feeling would not grant him the access to the easier path. Deep in his heart he wanted her to know, wanted her to understand and to accept. His entire being was crying out to her in lonely desperation.

_Come to me, try me, command me._

"No, that was not all. Perhaps it was, when I first kissed you. But… afterwards, I just wanted _you_." The words left his mouth before he knew he had spoken. And once he started, he could not stop.

"I wanted you. Wanted to feel you, possess you, know every inch of your body, and let you learn mine in return." As if mesmerized, he lifted a hand to cup her cheek softly, "I wanted you to stay in my arms like that and never leave. If only you know, Aeris… If only you know, how I want to hear you whisper my name in bliss, and let _me_ be your happiness."

He had whispered the last part so _intimately_, that she shivered involuntarily against his touch, and lowered her eyes to the ground. He however mistook her reaction for disgust. A pain flashed briefly in his eyes, and he dropped his hand quickly.

Aeris felt the loss keenly. She was overwhelmed by just how intensely she felt it, and for a moment wanted nothing more than to feel his arms around her once again. The words he spoke had not offended her in the slightest. On the contrary, she wished it too, to be held and touched and cherished, by this man and this man alone.

She could hardly breathe- such intense emotions, and for such an unfamiliar, _powerful_ man. It could not be rational, could not be _sane_, to feel the way she did. Yet, even as her mind tried to deny the truth, her body and her heart had understood what the rational part of her could not. Her body had responded to his passion with her own, her heart had yearned for his presence and dragged her back to him. She had kissed him, had held him with a desire to comfort, had turned to him for protection in her peril.

"Aeris."

His voice made her jump. She startled and lifted her head, so quickly that he was unable to hide the agonizing tenderness from his eyes, before his indifferent mask slid on once more.

"I know… I know how you must _despise_ me now." He said quietly, with a hint of bitterness in his cool voice, "But at least allow me to escort you home. I can do no less."

Upon hearing those words, Aeris felt a wave of panic, knowing he wanted to end all of their associations there. She reached for his hands without much of a thought.

"Sephiroth." She blurted out his name. To take this step was frightening, but _he_ had been so absolutely honest with _her_, even to his detriment, even when he thought he would disgust her with his words. And she owed it to him to keep the truth between them.

The truth of the attraction that existed between them. It was not only he, she felt it as well... Oh how she felt it. And even though it frightened her so, she did not want to turn away either. Because it was so perfect, so blindly _beautiful_ in all of its irrationality and uncertainty.

Deliberately, she stepped closer to him, well aware that with every step, the desire and passion emitted by him grew stronger, moving her, shaking her to the core, and her own yearning grew in response, answering, echoing his in such perfect synchrony.

_Like music, like fate, _she thought_, so perfectly intertwined._

Breathlessly, their lips met. Her mouth parted immediately, and he forgot his astonishment and closed his eyes. So unlike the kiss they shared earlier, this one was tentative, gentle in discovery as they explored each other's mouth. Their bodies hardly touching except for her hands clasped with his, yet he had never felt so connected with another person before in his entire life.

"You are trembling so…" Aeris breathed in awe. 

But even as she released his hands, pulled his head down and kissed him again, she was shaking like a leaf herself.

* * *

Again, I sincerely thank everyone who reviewed this story. I'm sorry my previous chapters were so very short, hopefully this one is more satisfying ^_^ 


End file.
